Historical Moment
The date is July 7, 1776 and the Continental Congress has just signed the Unanimous Declaration of Independence. What happened after this is not known.
And for good reason.
The following scenes in Independence Hall have long since been dismissed as rumor and would still be so had not the recent discover of Thomas Jefferson’s secret diaries been discovered in a cow’s stomach in Kentucky.
It reveals the following:
“After all the members had signed the declaration stating the reasons that impelled our separation, George Washington clapped his hands twice and his laymen rolled in many barrels of liqor [sic] that he had in readiness. Adams and Hancock engaged in a competition most humorous, both seizing the barrels and hoisting them over their heads in an attempt to determine who could down the most without swooning or choking. Franklin drew a pair of pistols from under his coat and began firing them at the windows. Following his example many others also began to do the same…” Here the page is damaged ”….some setting fire to chairs before throwing them. Washington gave as a most amusing spectacle by thoroughly crushing several empty wine bottles he had hidden about his person. He preformed a dance in which he break these bottles by throwing himself to the floor, spinning, and flailing his arms wildly*. Hamilton had passed out on the couch.”
Though not proven, it is beleived that during this night, the rare version of the constitution (starting the with the words, “We the losers of the United Kingdoms of the New World…”) was drafted.
Truth of the Day: The nerds of the Internet are not geeks.
*It is beleived that this was the origin of break dancing.
